Princess Arthur
by Aconitum vulparia64
Summary: Ever wondered what would have happened if Arthur was a woman? Well neither had I until a few hours ago… let's see what happens. One-shot which I may add to in the future.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin (unfortunately).**

**A friend of mine read the original copy I posted and pointed out an embarrasing number of mistakes, but she is now my beta reader so hopefully my writing will now be much improved, thanks Natasa :D**

**Oh and, please review - even if you just write a few words to say you liked it, or if you didn't tell me why - I'll never get any better if no one tells me what I'm doing is wrong...**

**An Idiot with Big Ears**

No young man, no matter how great can know his destiny.

He cannot glimpse his part in the great story that is about to unfold.

Like everyone, he must live and learn.

And so it will be for the young warlock arriving at the gates of Camelot.

A boy that will in time father a legend.

His name,

Merlin.

I'd been sleeping peacefully until the fool of a servant tripped over the rug and sent my breakfast flying across the room. I woke with a start and pulled a dagger from under my pillow, looking wildly around for the danger. Seeing the boy cowering on the floor with my food surrounding him, my momentary fear changed to anger. That was it! This was the last straw; the boy clearly was not fit to be my servant any longer and it was high time I sent him packing. After I taught him a lesson, of course; I usually went quite easy on the boy in training but I'd had enough of his incompetence. I almost smiled at the thought but managed to school my face into a well-practiced scowl.

"You idiot! Clean this mess up right now, then meet me on the training field in half an hour. You've put me in a foul mood and I need someone to take it out on." The look of horror on the boy's face was priceless; expecting your punishment was often as effective actually receiving it. Luckily for him he would get both with the added bonus of being out of a job afterwards.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" I snapped when the boy didn't move. Really, was it that difficult to get a half-decent servant? This one had barely lasted a month, and the one before him only a week. I stared after the fool as he rushed out of the room, almost colliding with Guinevere, the girl who came to help me dress in the mornings. She was, by rights, Morgana's maid but I'd always insisted on my servants being male (the last female maid had lasted all of a day before collapsing with exhaustion), and a man could hardly help me dress.

"Is everything alright, my Lady?" Guinevere had always been polite and did not seem as fazed by my unpredictable moods. Had she been _my_ maid she would not have lasted long, of course; but to help me get dressed in the mornings the girl was perfectly adequate.

"Of course it's not; I've had it with that fool. Now hurry up and help me dress, I need to teach him a lesson."

I could have sworn I heard Guinevere sigh, but it was too quiet for me to be certain.

Fifteen minutes later I was dressed in my training clothes. The normal attire of a knight restricted my movement far too much; one of the main advantages of being a female warrior was that I was faster than most of my opponents, especially when not being weighed down by all that ridiculous armor. Instead I wore a light chainmail shirt under a leather breastplate embossed with the Pendragon crest. My arms were largely unprotected as the chainmail only reached to my shoulders but I wore light leather armguards for some protection. On my legs I wore the same trousers and boots as my knights (but smaller). Dresses and skirts make excellent hiding places for weapons, but they were an awful hindrance in battle.

By the time I got down to the training field the boy was already there setting up the target in the wrong place. Could he get any more stupid?

"Where's the target?" I asked impatiently.

"Erm, there, my Lady?" He pointed a trembling finger at it.

"That's into the sun." I spoke with mock patience; surely even a common idiot like him could have figured that out.

"It's not that bright."

"A bit like you then!"

The boy's face flushed pink. "Shall I put the target down the other end then, my Lady?" I rolled my eyes, but when he picked up the large wooden target I had an idea.

"This'll teach him." I spoke to no one in particular but a few hopeful 'knights to be' sniggered behind me. Grinning, I pulled a dagger out of my belt and threw it at the target; I hit the bulls-eye, but only just. The boy's alarmed face popped up behind the target.

"Hey, hang on."

"Well, don't stop," I spoke exasperatedly at him.

His face was scrunched up with fear as he slowly moved the target across the field. This time he kept looking at me fearfully. "Here?" he asked, out of breath.

I grabbed another dagger. "I told you to keep moving." I threw it at him and he moved the target to cover his head just like I'd expected him to. This time it hit dead center. He moved the target down with a horrified expression.

"Come on, run!" I yelled at him.

Looking as though he was about to burst into tears, the boy moved around rather slowly, hiding behind the target as though he thought I was a bad enough shot to miss it and hit him – it was insulting! The men behind me were now laughing and jeering at him as I threw more knives. Not enough of them hit the center but this was more for fun than practice anyway.

Eventually the fool dropped the target and went scrambling after it, like he thought I'd aim for him if he didn't pick it up quickly enough; that alone almost made me do it. I'd miss on purpose, of course, but it would scare him even more, which after all was what I was aiming for.

I would have done so if some random boy I'd never seen before hadn't put his foot down over the target.

"Hey, come on, that's enough."

Was he speaking to me?

"What?" I exclaimed with raised eyebrows. Who did this boy think he was?

"You've had your fun, my friend."

I walked towards him with narrowed eyes. "Do I know you?" I was fairly sure I didn't. I'd have remembered meeting someone with ears as ridiculously big as that.

"I'm Merlin." He held out his hand which I pointedly ignored.

"So I don't know you."

"No." He was acting as though he were my equal, standing there so arrogantly and daring to look me in the eye. He was either very brave or extremely stupid.

"Yet you called me friend."

"That was my mistake." He started smiling, though I had no idea what for.

"Yes, I think so."

"I'd never have a friend who could be such an ass."

My eyes widened and I almost laughed. Didn't he have any idea who I was?

Then he had the audacity to walk away from me. Me! I was the princess. I deserved his respect!

"Or I one who could be so stupid," I said in a low voice.

He stopped walking and turned back to me.

"Tell me, _Mer_lin," I said, enjoying the wary look on his face, "do you know how to walk on your knees?"

"No." And the fool smiled again! I was beginning to think he was quite insane as well as mule-headed.

"Would you like me to help you?"

"I wouldn't if I were you." And now he was laughing! What was wrong with this boy?

Now I was laughing as well. If the poor boy though he could defeat me just because I was female then he was in for a big surprise.

"What could you possibly do to me?" I chuckled.

"You have no idea–"

I interrupted him. "Be my guest." I wanted to see if he really was as stupid as I thought he was. I held my arms out in invitation. "Come on, come on, come oooooooon."

Perhaps he had some sense after all; but just as I was about to walk away he flung his fist out in a very poor attempt at a blow to my head. Disbelievingly, I grabbed the offending arm and held it behind his back, knowing that if I used just a little more pressure I could break the bone.

"I'll have you put in jail for that!" I cried, holding him as he struggled.

"Who do you think you are, the King?" he gasped.

Well, that proved he didn't know who I was.

"No, his daughter, Arthur." I spun him round so I could see him when I told him, and was glad I did. The look of horror on his face was worth it. Before he could respond I kicked the back of his knee and sent him sprawling to the ground. The guards didn't need to be called because they'd been watching the show.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Take him to the dungeons!" I exclaimed and they jumped to it. _That_ was how people were supposed to react when I told them to do something, not mess it up and beg for forgiveness like my soon-to-be-ex-servant, and definitely not try to hit me like that idiot _Mer_lin.

What kind of name was that anyway? Merlin. It sounded just as ridiculous as he looked with those massive ears, messy hair and far-too-pale-to-be-healthy skin. Idiot.

Night had fallen by the time Lady Helen arrived; she had been summoned by father to sing at the celebrations. It was probably his way of trying to irritate me by introducing her as Camelot's finest singer. I was rather confident I could give her a run for her money, but I refused to sing on stage so father tried to make me jealous by doting on the Lady Helen, whom I was fairly sure he fancied. Poor girl.

The court physician Gaius came to see me just as the Lady Helen was being led to her chambers. Apparently the poor man had to look after that fool of a boy _Mer_lin. I felt sorry for him really. If anyone else had asked me to allow Merlin to be released I'd have said no, but Gaius was an old family friend, so I allowed Merlin's release on one condition.

He was to spend the morning in the stocks. It was Gaius's idea, surprisingly.

The next day I saw Merlin walking through the lower town. I know he saw me but when he just kept walking past without saying anything I couldn't resist.

"How's your knee walking coming along?" I called out.

He paused for a second but kept on walking.

I guess I'd just have to try harder. "Aw, don't run away!"

This time he did stop. Perfect. Now that he knew who I was he wouldn't dare pull a stunt like yesterday again, but I was sure I could make him incredibly uncomfortable.

"From you?" he smirked.

I couldn't help but smile; it seemed he wasn't done being stupid. "Oh thank the Gods; I thought you were deaf as well as dumb!"

"Look, I've told you you're an ass. I just didn't realise you were a royal one." I raised my eyebrows and he smiled and looked at the men around me. "Oh, what are you going to do, get your daddy's men to protect you?"

I couldn't help but laugh; after yesterday he still thought he could beat me! "I could take you apart with one blow." I was still grinning.

"I could take you apart with less than that."

"You sure?" I taunted him.

He looked thoughtful for a few seconds (as though he actually had a brain) before removing his jacket and throwing it to the ground behind him in a clear invitation. Laughing again, I looked around. We'd drawn quite the crowd; clearly his humiliation would be public.

I grabbed two maces from the men behind me; it wasn't usually my weapon of choice but was easiest to humiliate him with. "Here you go, big man." I threw one of them at him. He clumsily stuck out his hands and just barely managed to catch it.

Oh, this was going to be fun. "Come on then." I swung my mace around and saw him looking anxiously at it; finally a normal reaction. "I warn you, I've been trained to kill since birth." That's what happens when your father wanted a son; you get saddled with a boy's name and trained to fight with the men.

"Wow, and how long have you been training to be a prat?"

I couldn't help but snort. "You can't address me like that."

"Sorry, how long have you been training to be a prat, my Lady?" He gave a small bow and I could hear the crowd getting restless, probably wondering why I hadn't taken the fool's head off yet. Then I realised I'd never allowed anyone to speak to me like that– not that anyone ever had. Instead of replying I swung the mace at his head, which he ducked then scuttled backwards. I was surprised he'd managed to keep hold of his own weapon for so long.

"Come on then, _Mer_lin." I shouted after him and he, still backing away, got his mace caught in a rope without even swinging it. Now that took skills. He abandoned it and was still walking backwards into things when I swung again, taking apart a wooden box.

I swung a few more times and he fell backwards over a stall. Really, this was too easy. He tried backing away again but only succeeded in falling backwards onto a pile of grain just as I was about to strike (I wouldn't actually kill him, just scare him a bit) when I somehow managed to get my weapon caught in something hanging from the ceiling.

By the time I'd untangled it Merlin had gotten up and was looking bizarrely confident. He didn't even have a weapon!

I was about to corner him again when I hit my shin on a box I could have sworn hadn't been there a minute ago. I cried out in both pain and anger. That was it; he was going to get it! I cornered him again and this time I tripped over a rope, dropping my mace in the process. By the time I'd gotten up Merlin had my mace and was swinging it at me.

"Do you want to get it back? Do you?" he taunted me.

I forced my anger back down and smiled, then of course tripped over a bucket.

What was wrong with me? I'd never been so clumsy before in my entire life.

I looked up to see Merlin distracted by someone in the crowd and took my chance; I kicked the back of his leg, then punched his stomach with one fist and knocked him down with the other.

The guards dragged him up off the floor, no doubt about to take him to the dungeons. I'm not sure why but I stopped them. "Wait, let him go. He may be an idiot but he's a brave one." I looked at him and grudgingly acquiesced that he'd somehow managed to get the better of me, unbelievably enough. "There's something about you, Merlin. I can't quite put my finger on it." I walked off. Seeing Gaius in the crowd I trusted him to berate the boy for me.

By the time I got back to my chambers both my shin and back were aching. I checked both but only my back had drawn blood and my shin would bruise but heal in time; it'd be hell if anyone kicked it in training tomorrow though. I groaned and grabbed the medical supplies Gaius gave me a while ago. It meant I could tend to my own injuries so long as they weren't severe; bruising and minor scrapes I could treat but anything worse was beyond me.

As always I dressed myself for the feast, Guinevere was helping Morgana get ready and I didn't really want any of the other maids to help me, they were all so… irritating. Besides all of my dresses were relatively simple to put on, it was the armor with all the fastenings and buckles on the back that was difficult to do on one's own. I knew Morgana would have spent hours getting ready and would look her best, as she always did. I on the other hand did not care as much about the aesthetics as the practicality. Well, that wasn't entirely true, I wanted to look beautiful but I wasn't about to go to great lengths to achieve it, simplicity was always best.

I wore my hair down as I usually did, wavy golden blonde locks falling down to almost my waist, the dress I wore was quite simple, just a plain red satin gown adorned only with a gold dragon belt. It was a very good thing I looked good in red and gold as father expects me to wear Camelot's colours at every chance I get.

Morgana and I met halfway to the feast; she was wearing a deep purple gown with gold leaves sewn into the dress about her waist, her hair was up and she wore a deep purple beaded circlet. Like I said, she always looked amazing. As we walked into the Great Hall most people turned to look at us, with both awe and admiration, though those looking at me tended to have fear thrown in there as well.

The horns sounded signaling father's entrance and everyone took their seats as the King spoke.

"We have enjoyed twenty years of peace and prosperity. It has bought the kingdom and myself many pleasures. But few can compare with the honor of introducing Lady Helen of Mora."

The Lady Helen had a beautiful voice, when she sang I couldn't think of anything else, such a beautiful voice. My eyes drooped slightly. Beautiful…

The next thing I was aware of, I was covered in cobwebs… standing up I looked around and everyone else was coming too slowly. In the center of the room Lady Helen had been crushed by a chandelier, but it wasn't Lady Helen, it was an old woman. She looked up at me before quickly throwing a dagger at my chest, I didn't have time to react, then someone was grabbing me and dragging me to the floor. I looked at the dagger embedded in the chair as the woman (clearly a sorceress) drew her last breath. I turned expecting a knight to have dragged me out of harm's way, instead stood Merlin.

"You saved my daughter's life, a debt must be repaid." Father looked half dazed, half amazed.

"Oh, well." Merlin looked at his feet awkwardly.

"Don't be so modest. You shall be rewarded."

"No honestly you don't have to your highness." Oh so it was just me he refused to respect, fantastic.

"No absolutely, this merits something quite special." What on Earth was he talking about?

"Well." Merlin started smiling that goofy smile of his that made me want to hit him.

"You shall be awarded a position in the Royal Household. You shall be Princess Arthur's manservant." And with that father walked off. I didn't know who looked more horrified, me or Merlin.

"Father." I exclaimed, but he didn't hear over the applause of everyone in the hall. Saved by an idiot like Merlin, I was never going to live this down.


End file.
